How would you recognise self esteem in someone else? What does self esteem look like? Understanding how self esteem manifests itself in your behaviours can help you to evaluate your own self esteem and work out where you might need to improve.
When you understand the behaviour of a person with true self esteem rather than false self esteem hiding a deep inner insecurity you will realise that the qualities of self esteem are positive and supportive of mutually beneficial relationships.
The face of self esteem
Someone with high self esteem is really enjoying their life, they take pleasure in being alive and they radiate this joy. After all, they are confident that they deserve to enjoy being alive and they can cope adequately with everything that life throws at them.
If you have high self esteem you will be able to talk about your achievements and successes and also you will be able to easily admit mistakes and failures. You are comfortable with the facts of your circumstances and you know that mistakes and failures are things that happen. You will know that you are not a mistake or a failure.
High self esteem means that you do not need to be defensive when someone criticises you. You can evaluate the criticism in a rational way and decide whether it is just or unjust before responding. When you have high self esteem you are able to learn from past events without the need to distort what happened to protect your self esteem.
If you have high self esteem, you are not at war with yourself internally. Your speech and your movements are free, flowing and spontaneous, reflecting the ease that you feel with yourself.
All your communications with the outside world are consistent with each other. Your words, your tone of voice, your body language and your actions all tell the same story. You have no need to disguise or try to repress anything which means that your non-verbal communications match your verbal communications.
You are not afraid to assert yourself when you need to and you are not initmidated by assertive behaviour in others. You need to distinguish assertive behaviour from aggression. Assertive behavious can be characterised as seeking a win-win results whereas aggressive behaviour is seeking a win-loose result.
High self esteem means that you have the internal security to be curious and explore new ideas, new places, meet new people and form new relationships easily. You can be open to new possibilities and new ideas and you will respond to challenges with flexibility and confidence.
Of course even if you have high self esteem, you will have times when you feel self doubt, intimidation or overwhelm. You are not superman and you will encounter circumstances that you simply can't cope with. However, with high self esteem you will be able to accept these feelings and deal with them with dignity. You are more likely to rise above them and as a consequence, such negative feelings will not trouble you for too long.
High self esteem is an important part of a successful and fulfilled life. High self esteem frees you to exhibit positive behaviours that reinforce mutually beneficial relationships. Learn the tell-tale signs of high self esteem and use them as a model to aspire to on your journey to a more fulfilling life.
Would you like to learn more about the six pillars of self esteem?