Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Six Pillar Of Self Esteem - Can You Recognise Self Esteem?

How would you recognise self esteem in someone else? What does self esteem look like? Understanding how self esteem manifests itself in your behaviours can help you to evaluate your own self esteem and work out where you might need to improve.

When you understand the behaviour of a person with true self esteem rather than false self esteem hiding a deep inner insecurity you will realise that the qualities of self esteem are positive and supportive of mutually beneficial relationships.

The face of self esteem

Someone with high self esteem is really enjoying their life, they take pleasure in being alive and they radiate this joy. After all, they are confident that they deserve to enjoy being alive and they can cope adequately with everything that life throws at them.

If you have high self esteem you will be able to talk about your achievements and successes and also you will be able to easily admit mistakes and failures. You are comfortable with the facts of your circumstances and you know that mistakes and failures are things that happen. You will know that you are not a mistake or a failure.

High self esteem means that you do not need to be defensive when someone criticises you. You can evaluate the criticism in a rational way and decide whether it is just or unjust before responding. When you have high self esteem you are able to learn from past events without the need to distort what happened to protect your self esteem.

If you have high self esteem, you are not at war with yourself internally. Your speech and your movements are free, flowing and spontaneous, reflecting the ease that you feel with yourself.

All your communications with the outside world are consistent with each other. Your words, your tone of voice, your body language and your actions all tell the same story. You have no need to disguise or try to repress anything which means that your non-verbal communications match your verbal communications.

You are not afraid to assert yourself when you need to and you are not initmidated by assertive behaviour in others. You need to distinguish assertive behaviour from aggression. Assertive behavious can be characterised as seeking a win-win results whereas aggressive behaviour is seeking a win-loose result.

High self esteem means that you have the internal security to be curious and explore new ideas, new places, meet new people and form new relationships easily. You can be open to new possibilities and new ideas and you will respond to challenges with flexibility and confidence.

Of course even if you have high self esteem, you will have times when you feel self doubt, intimidation or overwhelm. You are not superman and you will encounter circumstances that you simply can't cope with. However, with high self esteem you will be able to accept these feelings and deal with them with dignity. You are more likely to rise above them and as a consequence, such negative feelings will not trouble you for too long.

High self esteem is an important part of a successful and fulfilled life. High self esteem frees you to exhibit positive behaviours that reinforce mutually beneficial relationships. Learn the tell-tale signs of high self esteem and use them as a model to aspire to on your journey to a more fulfilling life.

Would you like to learn more about the six pillars of self esteem?

Friday, May 18, 2007

How to Increase Your Self Esteem

Self esteem along with what I call the other 4 key internal factors namely self belief, confidence, worth, and image play a big part in getting you your ideal life so it's important to keep them in check. Even some of the most successful people you know may be grappling with one of these internal factors. It might be that your self esteem has always been high but over the last couple of months or years you've started noticing a difference in yourself. For example, you may be finding that tasks you have done in the past at work or the way you handle social situations have become increasing difficult to handle.

It can be a lot of hard work to get your self esteem back up to the top levels it should be at. The first thing is that you have to believe that it's possible to increase your self esteem and recognise that you wont allow it to hold you back any longer. Here are a few of my top tips to getting you started on increasing your self esteem:-

1. Give Yourself A Daily Pat On The Back

Become aware of how you speak about yourself and react to people. Note down if you put yourself down and make a list of these comments about yourself. Remember people's perceptions of you will be based on what you think about yourself and how you talk about yourself.

Start boosting your self-appreciation by writing a list of all your best qualities and carry this list everywhere and read it on a daily basis. Also keep a tally of how many times you apologise and put yourself down and aim to decrease this each week.

2. You're The Woman!

If you find yourself thinking negative thoughts about yourself – STOP! Replace these thoughts with positive affirmations like "I'm a confident person", "I'm capable of achieving anything I set my mind to", etc.

This is a powerful technique as it means you're literally talking to your subconscious where ingrained perceptions of yourself are stored.

3. Be Who You Want To Be Like

Don't surround yourself with people that make you feel negative about yourself and don't compare yourself to others. Instead focus on confident people who inspire you. Study their words and body language and adapt these characteristics to use for yourself.

4. Image Is Imagination

Imagine yourself as confident. See yourself moving around in situations as this confident person. Do this on a daily basis and before you are about to embark on big tasks, as this will prepare you and help you to start seeing yourself as the person you really want to be.

This is a great start to improving your self esteem and a powerful one.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Finding a Los Angeles Pedestrian Accident Lawyer

Unfortunately, people are injured and killed on American roads all too frequently. While many of the grisly reports that we hear on the news involve the driver or passengers of a vehicle, incidents involving pedestrians are also far too common. Recent statistics reveal that pedestrian deaths occur as frequently as every two hours in the United States. If your life has been painfully touched by an accident like this, it is your right to pursue legal action, and while this cannot rectify what has gone wrong, it might bring to you some small sense of justice, and perhaps a monetary settlement that can help with any medical or other bills you have encountered. Here are some tips of locating the right Los Angeles pedestrian accident lawyer should such an event have befallen you in this city.

It can be difficult to find the right lawyer for you in a large, and often impersonal, city. A metropolis like Los Angeles will have a multitude of providers of all the services, and it can be impossible to determine which one might be the best to assist in your situation. The aftermath of an accident is the last time that you have the emotional resources to begin the difficult search for a Los Angeles pedestrian accident lawyer, so don't be afraid to enlist the help of a friend or relative. A personal recommendation is often the best way to find an experienced and personable lawyer, traits that are both important in your choice of professional. You will need to find a lawyer that has a deep understanding of this area of law, and one that will give you the personal attention you deserve - this is a difficult time in your life, and you need to work with someone you can trust.

If you are unable to pin down a personally recommended Los Angeles pedestrian accident lawyer, do not simply turn to the yellow pages for direction. These listings are often simply advertisements that are inevitably biased, and it is impossible to glean a true sense of which firm might be best for you from them. If you can, it is best to perform a little research before contacting a firm to ensure that they are what you are looking for.

It is wise to contact a lawyer as soon as possible after your accident, to ensure that your legal rights are upheld. Certain claims must be filed within a particular period of time following the accident; also, evidence and witnesses will be easier to find the sooner you react. Find a pedestrian accident lawyer who will act quickly and compassionately, so that out of this tragedy you will at least find some peace.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Why Divorce Mediation Instead of Litigation

For parents of minor children who want to know what ALL the options are when thinking about divorce, hear this. A mind works best, like a parachute, when it is open. There are very creative ways to divide property and to share children if both parties keep their eye on the prize – the well being of the children. They didn't ask for this drama and it is possible to shield them if the two of you work at it. The idea of "working at it" may sound odd to a couple who is about to break up just because their relationship isn't "working" but if you have children together your job will never end. There will be weddings and grandchildren and holidays for the rest of your life. If you start World War III now, with the kids caught in the middle, they are going to have to do a lot of duck and cover as your verbal bullets whiz over their heads.

Take a step back and focus on the children. No matter what perceived wrongs may or may not have happened to you, this is where you are right now and playing the blame game may make you feel better but it is not productive. A little rational thought instead of playing victim to your own feelings is what is needed most right now. The more you focus on anger, the more anger you will feel. Focus on the children now instead. Who has been the primary caretaker? If you have been a stay at home mom or dad, guess what, you will probably have to go back to work because you won't collect enough support to keep you living the life to which you have gotten accustomed. So if both of you are working then you really get a chance to look at a shared custody situation. It is hard to raise a child alone. Sometimes you really need a break for your own sake.

5/2 2/5. This is a very popular child sharing plan that gives the children a consistency that is dependable. One parent always takes Monday and Tuesday while the other parent always takes Wednesday and Thursday with weekends going back and forth. This means that you will never be away from the child more than 5 days at a time. Some times the weekend runs into Monday/Tuesday and sometime it runs into Wednesday/Thursday. Having big chunks of time with and without the children lets you plan a personal and work life that a lot of people enjoy.

On the financial side, if you have a bitter, uncooperative, self employed spouse, try collecting support. It is impossible unless they feel like paying you. This is going to be a fight to the end and you probably will never collect what you are owed. The last thing you want is to go to war with a person like this. So now we talk about the most important decision you will make. What kind of divorce do you want? Some people want to go in guns blazing. There are a LOT of attorneys who just love clients like that because they know they can make a lot of money off of you. But if you have a self employed spouse, you NEED them to cooperate. You know what your grandmother used to say about catching more flies with honey. A long, expensive, adversarial divorce will not produce a workable result when the side who owes the support is self employed. They will dig in their heals and do so much creative accounting, you will end up paying them.

We create our lives out of our intention. That may sound counter intuitive. You didn't intend for your marriage to end, did you? Well intention is like a muscle, the more you use it the stronger it gets. If the two of you intend to break up with as much cooperation and generosity as possible BOTH of you will be better off, financially and emotionally. I always say the same thing to people, you can divide the pie two ways or four ways. Which way do you get the most? When you use divorce mediation, you cut out the lawyers. The average fees in California, when both sides have their own lawyers is $20,000 each, but the truth is that the more you have to lose the more your fees will be. California divorce attorneys are the only kinds of lawyers whose fees are protected by the equity in your home. They KNOW they are getting paid. Do you think the case will take longer or resolve itself quickly when you have a lot of assets? Human nature being what it is, certain attorneys will make sure the case does not settle until there is nothing left to fight about. If you want more details, read Charles Dickens' Bleak House. Nothing has changed since the 1800s.

The overwhelming majority of people know what they have. There are no hidden Swiss bank accounts in most divorce cases yet attorneys will spend thousands of dollars doing discovery, taking depositions and serving subpoenas. Why buy more than you need? Would you do that with a house or car? Why would you do it with a divorce? I am not saying mediation is for everyone but if the two of you are decent people who just want out, no one is trying to hurt the other one and both of you are honest and reliable about money with enough honor to keep your word, then you are the perfect client for mediation.

Divorce is a transition that has its challenges but an experienced mediator will help you in a way that is peaceful and respectful to both of you. Prices for mediation are determined by expertise and where you are located so make several calls, interview several mediators to make sure you are fully informed. In my own practice the whole process, on average, takes between 4-7 hours but there is certain homework that must be done prior to working with me. Ask the mediator what percentage of their cases settle and how many meetings did it take. In California the average cost when both sides have their own attorney is $40,000 so whatever the mediator charges will be a tiny fraction of that. The financial benefits of mediation are obvious but more importantly, you will be comfortable enough with your spouse to co-parent your children. This is the best gift you can give to your children. I ought to know, I was one of those kids caught in the middle. This is why I do what I do. Using mediation instead of litigation brings some sanity back into the divorce process because the adversarial system destroys families. So ask yourself, what kind of divorce do you want? Peaceful divorce is an idea whose time has come.

Saturday, May 5, 2007

Lina Joy

Oh no, Maobi is going to rant again. Actually no, Maobi was going to Rant again but so many others have already done it and done a fine job that I don't need to do anything.

Let's start with Michelle Malkin. She has written a fine piece on the Lina Joy case. The thing I find most interesting is that the lawyer defending Lina Joy is a Muslim.

As Ms Malkin has pointed out the WSJ and the NYT have both covered it. Bear in mind that these papers are on opposite ends of the political spectrum, yet neither of them agree that restricting the right of Mdm Joy to worship as she chooses is right.

Let me be very fair to our Muslim friends in Malaysia. Their side of the argument as I have seen in the press is as follows:

"Allowing Malays to leave Islam automatically will erode the status, the rights and the privileges of Malays"

I'm not even going to point out what a piece of shit the rights and privileges of Malays is as an argument. There is no inherent right or privilege of being Malay. It's just that the government accepts that Malay people were born (as a group) backward and stupid so they need time to catch up. To buy this time, they are given certain handouts. It's like being the guy who goes for dinner but cannot afford to pay. The rest of the diners say "ok, since you are poor we pay for you this time". After a while there seems to be no shame in claiming rights and privileges. I hope they don't mind if the rest of us feel ashamed for them on their behalf. The day you don't need quotas and handouts and preferential treatment is the day you are the same as the rest of us. Until then, please consider yourself a lesser race.

If Islam were to grant permission for Muslims to change religion at will, it would imply it has no dignity, no self-esteem. And people may then question its completeness, truthfulness and perfection.

In other words the only truthfulness and perfection to be found in Islam is via co-ercing others to stay in the fold and pretend to belief? Do any of these fools think that Lina Joy has one iota of desire in her heart to be Muslim? If she did then she would not stomach this lengthy court battle and the death threats. It would be so much more convenient to capitulate.

So it's clear to everyone that she wants to leave yet the Muslim view is that this would affect their dignity and self-esteem. First of all self-esteem is the way you look at yourself. No one and nothing can take that from you or give it to you. Dignity on the other hand is something that you can throw away. Some people who are poor yet work hard every day are the ones who have dignity despite not being rich. Small companies that choose no to cheat on taxes have dignity in spite the obvious incentive to cheat. Well, a faith has dignity in that it says "we believe this to be true" whatever anyones wants to belief themselves. It's only when a faith has no dignity that it will claw out to keep every person it can in the fold. Well done. You've sold your own dignity for one more believer who you and I know doesn't believe anymore.

So besides Ms Malkin, the NYT and the WSJ, who else has covered this case? I will be keeping this list. It is far from exhaustive but I am sure one or two of my five readers will help me by sending any more potential entries.

By the way: Google returns 116,000 links for Lina Joy but only 34,600 for Proton Saga. If the Malaysian government wants to increase the visibility of the local car industry then please get the Proton Saga to marry a Roman Catholic and renounce Islam.

Let me quickly thank everyone for giving a shit about one woman's desire to worship as she chooses out here in Malaysia.